Influence as a Means to an End

The ends are never neutral. The means sometimes are.

This is part of a series on the book Influence by Robert Cialdini in which we’re considering how the gospel turns levers of influence upside down. Read part 1 and part 2 to get caught up.

What’s the difference between the MLM “network marketer” who shares on Instagram all the ways she incorporates essential oils into her life and the author who shares behind the scenes of their writing routines and book outlines and speaking engagements? At first glance their similarities seem to overshadow their differences. Both MLM “small business owners” and other internet influencers are employing the second lever of influence that Cialdini covers in his book,¹ what he calls “liking.” This lever relies on developing a social bond or leveraging an existing one as a means to influence an individual’s decision making. Can this lever of influence be employed with integrity? In a minute we’ll take a look at what Scripture says.

But first, what makes a person likable? What makes it easier for those social bonds to be developed or leveraged to the influencer’s advantage? According to Cialdini:

• Physical attractiveness

• Similarity with the people one is trying to influence (e.g., in opinions, personality traits, background, or lifestyle)

• Giving compliments to the people one is trying to influence

• Establishing frequent contact and opportunities to cooperate

• Associating oneself with positive things (e.g., certain celebrities, movements, political opinions) and distancing oneself from negative things (e.g., certain other celebrities, movements, political opinions)

Once you know where to look for it, you’ll find this lever showing up around you in countless ways. Here are a few examples.

• Authors are encouraged to share their personal lives with their followers, email subscribers, readers, etc. The more details, the better, it seems.

• Anyone who wants to build an internet platform is instructed to find their niche (or tribe, or community, or people). Identify your target audience and give them exactly what they want at all times.

• Authors, speakers, and social media influencers do their best to build alliances and friendships with other authors, speakers, celebrities, and influencers who are beloved by the same target audience they are trying to reach. And they intuitively know when they might have an opinion or conviction they should keep to themselves.

• Of course we may not consciously be evaluating the physical attractiveness of our conference speakers and social media influencers, but even a brief moment of reflection will reveal that the significant majority of them just happen to comfortably fit within the norms of modern, western beauty standards. 

Perhaps this all sounds vaguely similar to the Apostle Paul’s approach to proclaiming the gospel and building the church. In 1 Corinthians 9:22 he says, “I have become all things to all people, that by all means I might save some” (ESV). As a Bible college student preparing to serve as a missionary this passage was frequently used as an example of contextualization, the idea that we should shape our presentation of the gospel (and ourselves) to be as appealing as possible to the culture in which we are serving. But while I do believe in the merits of contextualization, a look at the broader context of 1 Corinthians 9 reveals that Paul might simply have been talking about how to leverage likability for the sake of the gospel.

Paul spends the first two-thirds of the chapter on what reads like a rant about his right to be paid for his ministry. Other apostles, he says, take a salary; why shouldn’t he? He seems to want to clarify that he works as a tentmaker, not because he thinks it is holier to preach the gospel “free of charge” (verse 18), but because in his Christian freedom he has decided that doing so will be more effective in his particular ministry context. He ends by listing other ways in which he has altered his approach to people in order to present the gospel to them most effectively (verses 20-22). As with his decision not to request payment, these are strategies made in freedom that increased Paul’s likability, but if they were ever to become stumbling blocks to the gospel, he would surely have cast them aside.

The example of Jesus in the gospels presents us with a different approach. Unlike Paul, Jesus seems to repeatedly do the opposite of what would make him likable. Isaiah 53 implies that he was not physically attractive. He disregards social norms and constantly calls people out on their sin. He associates himself with the lowest in society and alienates the people who seemed most able to catalyze a religious movement. Let’s just say, he hadn’t read How to Win Friends and Influence People.

So, which is it? Should we eschew any attempts to develop or leverage social bonds by making ourselves likable? Or should we make every effort to conform to the mold of likability?

Scripture’s answer appears to be, it depends.

There doesn’t seem to be anything wrong with having or developing strategy for our ministries, as long as we are clear on the goal those strategies are in service to. So, the question remains, is that goal the gospel, or myself? Is the goal to build my kingdom, or God’s Kingdom?

Here are a few questions I’ve committed to periodically revisiting as I do this public work. Maybe you’ll find them helpful for your own ministry, or as a tool to evaluate the Christian thought leaders and influencers whose work you consume.

• Do my stripes become spots depending on who I am around? Do I change my opinions, personality traits, etc. based on who I am with?

• Today’s media landscape requires that I find my choir in order to work as a writer, but once I have found them, am I just preaching to them, or am I willing to challenge them to learn a new song?

• Is the truth more important to me than being liked? Am I willing to risk being “canceled” or losing subscribers in order to be obedient to the Holy Spirit?

• Is my identity in Christ strong enough to anchor me in the face of “every wind of doctrine” (Eph. 4:14)?

• Am I willing to change how I do my work (craft, marketing, publicity, etc.) and learn new skills if it will better serve my readers and advance the gospel?

Unlike some of the other levers of influence Cialdini covers, the principle of liking is not as clearly turned upside down by the gospel. Instead, it is turned inside out, so that we can examine its effectiveness and determine when it may be useful to our aims and when it may not.

Ultimately, the principle of likability should be used as a tool to more effectively preach the gospel. If we find ourselves (or others) instead using the gospel, or false forms of it to increase our own likability, influence, and prestige, we will have turned Christ into a product to profit from, and ourselves into His hawkers.

In Pursuit of Beauty,

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