I’ve Been Trying to Do This Without Prayer

Surprise, surprise, it’s not working

Nov 20, 2024

At this time last year I had 2 kids under 3, a full-time job, and limited childcare. My life required moment-by-moment prayer.

Today I have 2 kids under 4, the same full-time job, and slightly more childcare. My life still requires moment-by-moment prayer.

I can’t say I’ve gotten very good at this kind of prayer yet. I’m tempted to buy into the all-or-nothing mentality of my teenage years when I was convinced that prayer didn’t really “count” unless it happened in hour-long stretches while my knees wore grooves into the carpet. As one whose security blanket looks a lot like a Leuchtturm 1917 dotted notebook stuffed with to-do lists I would much rather prayer be a task I can accomplish than a need I must return to over and over again.

Slowly, slowly I’m learning that the sighs and the “Lord, help!”, and the groans of frustration, and the scraps of hymns sung over the kitchen sink and the changing table are prayers too. Jesus doesn’t require more of my words, but rather more of my attention.

At this time last year I had also begun to name an unraveling in myself. I was understanding that the whole Christian life is defined far more by the piecemeal prayers we offer to God and the candid conversations we have with Him throughout the day than the impressive spirituality of uninterrupted hours on our knees. An urgent desire to name this freedom for others began to grow in me, alongside a deep desire to swim into the deep end of my own creative work.

So, I started the process of writing a book proposal. At the beginning of February I completed the 50+ page document outlining a book that would excavate the lies of radical Christianity and offer hope from Ephesians that our ordinary Christian lives are beautifully sufficient for Jesus. In March I signed a contract with a literary agent. In April I attended my first writing conference. Over the summer I wrote here week after week, coordinated with gracious and gifted guest authors, and welcomed so many new readers to Beautiful Discipleship.

But our family also endured tragedy, and burnout threatened, and there were weeks when griefs and frustrations stacked up. And I realized, God delights to hear my moment-by-moment prayers for my kids and my job and my health. Why wouldn’t He delight to hear my word-by-word prayers for this work?

I’ve been trying to scale the next hurdle, and write the next chapter, and make the next connection, and pitch the next editor without prayer, and surprise, surprise, it hasn’t been working. Not that there hasn’t been interest in the work. There has. You are a testament to that. But I’ve been anxious and exhausted and on edge. So, before I take another step forward, it’s time to put together a launch team of a different kind: a team to pray this work into orbit without combusting along the way.

So, if you would like to pray for the work of Beautiful Discipleship, and even more specifically for the book project I am currently working on, would you hit reply to this email or comment below? I’ll send out specific prayer requests occasionally and keep you updated on some things that I can’t yet share broadly. With the help of the Saints, I can keep at the work of both prayer and writing, moment-by-moment.

Beauty For Your Week

Here is some beauty I’ve been encouraged by this week. I pray it meets you in any exhaustion or anxiety you may be feeling as we barrel toward the holidays.